Best ebay auction ever: My ex Brother-in-Law’s shit record collection Part Two

So this actually went proper viral and was even in The Sun apparently, which is of course a hall mark of all things relevant and meaningful. But it turns out ebay didn’t appreciate this kind of attention and the auction was subsequently taken down because of bad language and /or the fact that the items were not belonging to the guy who put them up, depending on which bbs forum you are following. Anyway, here is the full text of the auction itself in all it’s vitriolic glory:

“You are bidding on a collection of 50 (approx) 12″ singles and LPs of crap music.

My sister found these in her attic last weekend, where they has been sat gathering dust for the last couple of decades. They used to belong to her ex-husband, who is one of the biggest arseholes ever to draw breath. I never liked the wanker, and based my initial antipathy towards him on his taste in music. Not to put too fine a point on it, he was that most contemptible form of pond life, a Jazz Funker. This meant that as well as shit taste in music, he had appalling taste in clothes too. Pringle jumpers, pleated Farrahs, shoes that looked like pasties, white socks, revolting shirts and a comical wedge-cut hairdon’t. Add to this 80s fashion horrorshow a Ford Capri and Super Mario-style moustache underlining his bulbous nose, and you get an object lesson in twatdom. No wonder Northern Soul fans (and everyone else) treated the Jazz Funk fans with sneering comntempt.

I couldn’t comprehend what on earth my usually sensible sister could possibly see in the pillock. In vain I pleaded with her to send him packing. My argument that his hankering for Earth Wind & Fire records and attendance at soul weekenders made him a poor choice of mate was waved away as the rantings of a callow youth. She felt my reasoning was unsound.

Reader, she married him.

He made her life miserable for a few years with his moping, moody belligerence (and playing horrendous records like these). He told her lies and generally behaved like a platinum c*nt. Then he dumped her for his mistress when my sister was four months pregnant.

It’s now nearly 20 years later and I would still like to take a meat tenderizer to his face. But his most horrendous crime, worse than wiring up my granny’s shower so it was electrically live, worse even than his infidelity or the awful way he treated my sister, was the fact that he actually liked the abomination known as Jazz Funk. Here is the evidence. What a bastard.

Well, I suppose I’d better tell you what’s for sale, though why you would actually want to own this dreck is beyond me. It’s basically music for people who have a deep-seated hatred of music and want to inflict their pain on the world. But here goes nothing.”

Then there’s a table containing the entire collection, neatly compiled into formats, followed by:

“I mean, Shakatak for ****s sake. What a prick. And surely he must have realised that buying anything by Shalimar would open him up to ridicule. Even those bands’ mothers couldn’t bear to listen to that stuff. I know I couldn’t. None of this is play graded, only visually. I just could not bring myself to dirty my stylus with this bollocks.

Boring stuff: – I grade conservatively, particularly when I don’t like the records. Don’t ask me to split this lot. You buy it, you buy all of it and pay the shipping. I’m not keeping it in my house any longer than strictly neccessary. For the same reason, no returns. I don’t want it back. Shipping in UK is £15 because the weight is approx 10kg . I’m willing to ship overseas at cost, but it’s likely to be expensive (maybe £45 in europe) and frankly this crap isn’t worth the stamps. If you want to collect from Croydon, that’s OK but I will look at you with a contemptuous sneer as you stand in my doorway, proving by your purchase that you are tone deaf and tasteless.

Good luck, and God help you for liking this drivel.”

Best ebay auction ever: My ex Brother-in-Law’s shit record collection

Revenge is a dish best served up online where there is always the chance it will go viral. This lad avenges his sister, who’s vagabond husband abandoned her while she was four months pregnant to go off galavanting with his bit on the side, by putting his dusty old disco records up for auction complete with the philandering cad’s list of crimes against humanity which include nearly electrocuting his granny, dressing like a prick and worst of all: being a jazz funk knob head.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/290570522953#ht_1669wt_1179

‘Platinum cunt’ that he was, he clearly had pretty good taste in music:

Now the LPs